The trouble with being punctual these days is that nobody's there to appreciate it.?

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

-- Henny Youngman



A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

-- H.L. Mencken



The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

-- Jay Leno



It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every 12 minutes one is interrupted by dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

--Rod Serling



I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

-- Tom Lehrer



I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

-- Shirley Temple

The trouble with being punctual these days is that nobody's there to appreciate it.?
Henny used to carry a photo of the detergents Joy and Pride. What do you suppose he asked people when he was asked about his children? Get it?
Reply:LMAO. these are great :]
Reply:lol these are funny... okay okay star for you =0)
Reply:First two are keepers thx
Reply:Ha Ha! Funny! lol! 10!
Reply:LOL....thanks
Reply:monkey see, monkey do



-don't know who said it though



smeller the fellower ( when some said who farted)



-my mom said all the time
Reply:LOL....



FUNNY.
Reply:I liked 1 2 3 5 and 6.