These are from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades:
"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."
"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
Funny Answers to Science Test Questions...like it?
OMG.THis is hillarious.
I cant believed it!
Cant stop myself laughing right now!
ROFL!!!
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." ???
Wth? funny!
Thanks!!!
Reply:haha cute...
Reply:OMG THESE ARE SOOOO FUNNY.... im 14 and i've done tht h2o 1
Reply:haha there all really funny. forget what eros12 said, he doesnt no wut hes talkn bout. thanx for the laugh :]
Reply:please tell me this not true
lmaoof
Reply:funny
Reply:Hahaha. I can't believe that these students write those answers on their tests.
Reply:I like the last one, to keep milk from going sour keep it in the cow. Yuk, yuk! They're all pretty cute.
Reply:I would like my hydrogin on the rocks, please. (And I thought the lawyer jokes were hysterical)
Reply:Okay, that's funny. Long, but funny. LOL
Reply:lol oh my goodness thats hilarious! i cant believe people actually wrote those lol thanks for the laugh!!
Reply:yeah there funny...
Reply:"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
hahahaha! i wont get over this one for a while!
Reply:you silly wabbit
Reply:That's great,I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. What made them even funnier is you said they were real answers.
Reply:Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
ha that made me laugh (no ofence to any1 or direspectfuleness).
sure dude they r okay
Reply:Pretty funny! Except I've gotta say, I've heard of better ones. Try these on for size:
1) Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all
wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2) Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.
3) Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an
actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.
4) The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
5) Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is
apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6) In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.
7) Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of
March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."
8) Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for
reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.
9) Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that
was the end of the fighting for a long while.
10) It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
11) Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and
started smoking.
12) Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was
very dangerous to all his men.
13) The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
14) Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
15) Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas
Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two
cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still
dead.
16) Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation.
17) On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got Shot
in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the
assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.
18) Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in
his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous
composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half
Italian, and half English. He was very large.
19) Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
20) The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
21) Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men.
22) Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
23) Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was
very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
24) Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did.
Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.
25) Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to
have a job, I guess.
Reply:that was pretty boring... you lost me at C02 is cold water...
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