How best to deal with a grieving soon-to-be-ex-spouse?

My wife's an attorney, and I read in today's newspaper that she lost the big case she had been working on for months. This case added so much stress to herself: It led to her gaining weight, binge drinking, and, even perhaps, having an affair with a local loser (known appropriately as Timdawg). In fact, this case she had been working so hard on, it could be argued, changed her in a way that led to our separation. Her clients were convicted on all counts and should be seeing life in prison. Worse for my wife, the prosecutor on the case has accused her of witness tampering, as she had allegedly used Timdawg to try to intimidate a witness into not coming forward. Now, also, she doesn't have my stabilizing influence or the kids. Geez, her life is falling apart.



Our divorce papers should be completed soon. I don't want to send her a mixed message, but feel I should send her flowers or something. Is that silly? Have you ever felt sorry for a bad ex-spouse and wanted to cheer him/her up?

How best to deal with a grieving soon-to-be-ex-spouse?
You don't send roses to someone who lost a case, you send chocolate!



If you want to send roses then make them black ones.



I am glad to hear that the clients were not allowed to walk...breaking the law is breaking the law no matter what high powered attorney you hire. Can we all say it together..."OJ".



She's a big girl. Let her reflect and see for herself what she worked so hard for. I know that you now know that an affair would have happened at some point with her...you didn't do anything to trigger her behavior. If it had not been timdog it would have been someone else sooner or later.



You two are still living together right? Have dinner ready. Simple gesture, taking the high road, trying to maintain some amount of a family unit. I know you don't hate her...it is almost impossible to hate a stranger and that is what she has become to you now. Even so, strangers are people too.
Reply:hugs Report It
Reply:Let it all go dude...it'll seem like such sour grapes now.
Reply:You could be the bigger person and do this. If anyone should be able to cheer her up in any it should be you. Chances are her co-workers wont, the timdawg won't,



Go a head, show her that you can be a good person. Maybe she'll see what a bi*ch she has been to you.
Reply:Leave her alone.
Reply:Leave the cheering up to Timdawg, Miz, G-Money and Gangsta Doggie-Dog.



You fascinate me. Are you a sub? Don't lie...I can tell you are.

Guys like you seem to love degradation.
Reply:leave her be
Reply:If you think she is hoping that you two get back together, do not send the flowers. It would get her hopes up of reconciliation. That would be cruel. If, on the other hand, you don't think she has any hopes or desires for you two reconciling, then go ahead and send the flowers with a note. You could always just tell her that you're sorry to hear she lost her case that she worked so hard on. It's normal that you are on an emotional roller coaster right now. This is a very hard thing to go through. I've heard it likened to a death, and it is very much like that in a lot of ways.
Reply:Let Timdawg buy flowers for her.
Reply:well.....it is good to know that you do have some feelings......



that is only normal.



send the flowers..... and a nice message..... saying.... sorry for the loss of your case...... hoping things get better for you.
Reply:it's OK to feel bad for her. you guys have shared a lot together. but don't give up on the divorce because of it. she will try to get you back before it is final. prepare yourself for that one.



i went through a very similar situation and you just need to let her self-destruct on her own.



let Timdawg worry about her from now on and think only of the kids.
Reply:I think it is commendable that in your heart you feel for her in what sounds like a very difficult time for.



I don't know though, something is telling me that you shouldn't touch it.



Unless you are trying to save your marraige. If that's the case then send her the flowers or let her know how you feel.



Good luck with everything.



(as an aside, I read your profile... as a working artist you are living my dream!! my compliments for creating a living out of what I'm sure is an incredible passion)