Wedding Worries?

My partner and I have been together for 13 years and have an 8 year old daughter.

It has become important to him that we should be married, I have never felt the need to get married as I see our time together, love for each other and our daughter much more of a comittment than a piece of paper. I have agreed to being married as I love him and if it means so much to him then I'll go ahead.



The major problem is I have a total fear of being the centre of attention, I would love to just go to a registry office with my partner and my daughter and go home again, I have never had dreams of dresses and flowers etc.



Only thing is how would friends and family feel about this? Its not as if they don't know my feelings, I have always said I think people who have big white weddings are crazy, but to have no-one might just upset them all!!!!

Wedding Worries?
I would go with the registry office. Most of your friends and family would assume you're married anyway by now and be happy for you. In some places this is considered a common law marriage. Being legal though does offer distinct advantages.



You could have a reception afterwards if you like. Otherwise just announce it privately. After all this time, your scenerio is the proper one. Your partner understands that you are a private person and don't want to go with the "blow out".
Reply:Good for you for finally realizing you MUST do this for your daughter, better late than never!

Considering the circumstances you should just be having a small wedding, anyway, maybe in your home or in your backyard, with just the ceremony and dinner for your family and close friends. It's not like you're going to be wearing the big white traditional gown, anyway.

Good luck, and God bless!
Reply:Why not do a small cerimony with just those few that are close to you getting invited. Explain that you want thing simple and intimate and you will get the best of both worlds. I'm sure if you told folks this is how you would want your wedding, that they would respect your wishes.
Reply:I 100% feel your pain. It is actually fairly important to me to have a wedding, not a "big white wedding" though. I kept it small, under 20 people. I too don't like to be the center of attention.. in that way. Otherwise, I am a very outgoing person. If it is so important to him and you feel you are ok with it, go ahead and have the wedding... just put your foot down and say only immediate family and very close friends.





And no.. this wedding is not a "MUST." This is something you do for you and your husband.. noone else.
Reply:Why don't you have a simple ceremony at your house or your parents or something with just family and close friends. You don't have to wear a wedding dress or even worry about getting something white per se. Try this: Send out informal invitations to everyone letting them know you are making it official and having a small ceremony at your house on this date etc etc. That day, Wear a semi formal dress in the color or your choice, walk down the aisle with your man, have your daughter hold flowers at the front, say your vows and be done with it. Then enjoy food and drinks afterwards with family and hang out like it was any other get together. That way you will sort of be the center of attention, but not really since it isn't that formal.



Since you have been together13 years and already have a daughter you are pretty much just making it official, so why not have fun while doing it and enjoy hanging out with everyone you love? If it is not a big deal to you then don't make it a big deal or big cost. You will probably have more fun doing it this way anyway.



As with all weddings, what you want and think is what is important. Making the relationship official is a plus and they will probably be really happy for you anyway. If they have problems, they don't have to come. I would recommend not just going to a justice of the peace but actually doing something. I really think people will feel a little let down if you did that since this is still a happy occasion and they want to encourage and celebrate it with you. So do something, just don't make a big deal about it or go crazy with it. Just have fun, it is a get together that you just happen to be getting married at. Enjoy it!
Reply:The place, the guests, the flowers, the music -- all of those things are not important. What is important is this: The two of you standing before God making sacred promises to each other, committing yourselves to each other, and to your daughter - forever.



You are absolutely right that your love for each other and your daughter is much more important than a piece of paper -- however, being married is in itself much more than just a piece of paper. And even though it may seem 'old fashioned', the ceremony, the act itself, of being 'married' by a minister, in the presence of family and friends is a very special, very touching occasion that, I promise, you will always treasure.



I say "Do it!". The pain of being the center of attention will only last a few minutes, and you will know it was a small price to pay for the love of your man, and for your little girl.
Reply:My husband %26amp; I did just that got married in the courthouse. Then a month later we had a BBQ in the backyard. With close friends and family. Then a couple of months later we took a trip. We "got" married for 6 months. Do what feels right to you %26amp; the bonus is you'll save alot of money.
Reply:The most important thing is to do what feels right to you. Remember, your idea of "getting married" doesn't need to be a "big white wedding." As others have suggested, you can have a small reception with only close friends and family present. Or just get your marriage license.



Either way, maybe you just want to have a party afterwards. You don't have to wear white. Why not pick out an outfit that you feel beautiful and comfortable in. A friend of mine did this. She had a small private ceremony, and a year or two later, had a celebration with her friends and family. They rented out a restaurant and kept it very low key and fun.



Bottom line, make it what you want it to be!
Reply:I am going through all this right now. Go to the JOP, then have a BBQ. Or go to Vegas, or something. I am telling you that big weddings, tend to make the bride go crazy as well as the groom, and I wish we would have just done it that way, and now understand why people do. I have cried over this crap for the last week, b/c people tend to make it about them, and its not! Its about you, your bf, and your daughter. I say make it small, short, and sweet. It doesnt matter how anyoone else feels, because when it comes down to it, its about you guys, and not them! Marry him, love him, honor and cherish him, and your daughter, and people may be upset over it, but I promise they will get over it.
Reply:Your wedding should be a mix of what you and your partner want. Talk it over with him and compromise on a solution that will make you both comfortable. Remember a wedding is about both of you, not anyone else. Who cares what others say, they are not the ones living your life, live it the way you want and enjoy your day!
Reply:have someone from the courthouse or church come to a local park and only invite family (immediate) and close friends. Each of you pick a friend to stand up as your witness. This way everyone wins. Wear a simple white dress and have your man wear a simple outfit as well. It can be simple and beautiful and not scary all at once. Good luck
Reply:I know just how you feel! A big wedding was never my dream, and when we began to plan one simply because I thought it was what I SHOULD do... I almost had a breakdown. Huge parties thrown in celebration of ME with everyone looking at ME has never been my style. We were going to elope, but I couldn't take the experience and memory of a daughter's wedding from my parents. So we're doing a very private destination wedding... which in the end pleases everyone.

Family members who initially were upset got over it.

Do what feels right. If you still don't want an actual wedding perhaps have the private ceremony with a dinner party for friends and family later.
Reply:You could do a casual wedding at the registry office which I assume would have a court room or space big enough to invite 10 or 15 people. Just invite only those that are very close to you as you are probably already comfortable around them. Just tell them ahead of time that you dont want them making a fuss over you. Since they already know how you feel this will probably not be a problem. You might even consider having the "wedding" at your home or the home of a family member as that would give you even more comfort. Congratulations.
Reply:After thirteen years, they may just laugh and say 'it's about time'!



Seriously, though, if that's how you want to do it and he's happy with that, then do it that way. If he wants to make a bigger to-do about it, then see if he'll compromise and accept a quiet registry wedding followed by a party for friends and family. You can even keep the reason for the party secret until everyone is gathered.



Your wedding, your way. Do what will make you happy. Don't have someone else's wedding.
Reply:Ok, this has come up more and more in my ministry. You are not alone! If you were to have a ceremony that included your guests, your daughter....would that help? You could have a handfasting, there is a christian and non-christian version. It is a wonderful ceremony and beautiful to boot! Handfasting is an old celtic ceremony, and is wonderful to see and particapate in. please check the web site below for ideas. alos you may wish to e-mail me through Answers. Chaplain Debby
Reply:The choice of what kind of wedding you want is between you and your fiance. You can include as many or as little people as you want.