I'm getting married... I want justice of the peace, my mom wants a ceremony?

I'm getting married in September, or maybe sooner. I don't like showing off, especially for a commitment that's just between me and my fiance. I just want to go to the courthouse, sign the paper with no one present, and afterwards go out to eat, just me and him. My mom, however, has been whining about not getting to see her only daughter get married (my brother got married overseas, so she didn't see him get married, and my other brother is gay and so likely won't be able to marry). She's really been pitching a fit... when I said she could come to the courthouse and watch, she started talking about how we needed flowers, a dress, photographers, and how we will have to invite my fiance's parents as it's only fair. I don't want any of this... I'm thinking of just getting married and not telling her forever... lol. What should I do? I REALLY don't want a ceremony of any sort!





She did offer to pay for everything, but I still don't want it.

I'm getting married... I want justice of the peace, my mom wants a ceremony?
Get married the way you want to get married. Tell her you really appreciate her offer to pay for everything, however, this is a committment between you and the man you love, and you want a quiet, justice of the peace civil ceremony. If your mother feels like she wants to contribute to your future marriage, tell her you would much rather her save the wedding money and allow you to use that money for a down payment on a house, or other major investment into your future.
Reply:Have the ceremony YOU and your fiance want, not what anyone else wants.
Reply:It is your wedding, and your life. No one can make you do anything. Do what will make you happy.
Reply:Look Most mothers would love there daughter to have the big wedding etc and why not. She bought you into this world, gave you life lived and loved you. Educated you and your brothers etc. the least you could do is give her this one thing .


Surely it's not to much to ask.


Mothers are and always will be mothers.She loves you and believe me she will be so hurt.





As for the Father well this is minor situation for them. The less fanfare the better the costs are minimum.


Let your mother have her day if you don't believe me you will never hear the end of it.


She will undoubtedly put the blame on your future hubby and there will be arguments left right and centre.





At least let her do the flowers - photographer - and help with te dress. No matter what it will always be your day and the day after that and after that for the rest of your lives.


She just wants something to remember you by on your first and hopefully only wedding day.
Reply:You and your fiance do what the two of you want.
Reply:This is what I wanted, and in the end, I felt obligated through guilt to do what my mother wanted. I've always regretted it. It is your wedding, not your mother's and if you feel that strongly, stick to your guns.


But the two nicest weddings I ever went to involved Justices of the Peace and family. Then we went out for a meal afterwards. It was great.


Btw - I have two daughters now, and no, I did not dream of them in their wedding gowns. I know they're only 15 and 11, but I still feel it is their choice.
Reply:You really don't want a ceremony of any sort but just signing the license at the court house is so cold. Even eloping is more romantic. If you don't want any real fuss get your families together for an "engagement party" have the officiant come there as a surprise wedding. Your family wants to share in your joy. It is a little selfish not to give them that, but it is also selfish of them to hijack your wedding.





Please stop to see the other side of the coin for a moment. It gives them comfort to see the look in your eyes when making the promise of a lifetime shared. They want to know that the baby they raised is entrusted to kind and loving hands, to a steadfast and trustworthy heart.





In marriage you get all the protection under the law that your brother is denied, you get to wear a ring that says to the world that you belong to someone who loves you and cares for you. It says that that relationship is reciprocal and instead of the silly BF %26amp; GF words of youth your relationship has evolved to the state of commitment deserving of all the respect the words husband and wife carry. Letting them share in this event makes their world happier, they get a day to revel in your joy. The events we share with those we love are as the pearls in the strand of memories that make up an individuals lifetime. Without sharing your day with the people you love and who love you it's just another day, and their strand is a pearl shorter.
Reply:Honor thy parents.


What would your Dad want for you?


Marriage is not something you just get over with as quick as possible and with the less amount of people involved .


Nor did you once comment about how your soon to be other half feels about it.


I do like your theory about no pompousness about it but you could of said it in a manner of importance first.


Who's happiness matters? Only both of yours as one.
Reply:I'ld thank your mother for offering to pay for it, however even if she offered she may decide how to set it up things like reception and other things that might not agree with your personal likes/dislikes. if she's willing to pay for the wedding and u set it up. you could try the ole discouraging ploy. Like your dream wedding is to have a horse drawn carriage bring u to the wedding. have ur gown and the brides maids dress custom made by macy's. the most expensive stuff you can think off. but i wouldnt sneak off and have it done if i was you thats just plain rude.


but the answer to ur question is a simple one. you and ur fiance can set it up invite whomever you want. and just leave it at that ur mom can either come and watch or she can not come at all. besides if u two are together god willing. u can do the renewing of vows later down the road. let ur mom do that.
Reply:I understand you, but your motherr really deserves to see you get married. A court house is not what she envisioned. She raised you, sacrificed for you.





Why not compromise, and have a small wedding with only your closest relatives. Have a Smorgasbord, nothing outrageously fancy. She will have pictures of the wedding, and it will be such a pleasure for her to look at for years to come.





You have the rest of your life to live as you please with your fiance.





Realize that a successful marriage also depends on compromise, so you can start practicing it with your mom. I just gave you a few ideas, but you can plan the wedding as informal as you want. As long as you have it, and your mother will have memories which she deserves as a mom.





I just read some othe other answers you got. Yes it is "your life"!!!!!!!!!!!!! But WHO GAVE YOU YOUR LIFE???????
Reply:It's your special day, do what you want and explain to her as lovingly and patiently as possible (it can be hard having that kind of mother-daughter conversation) that it is what you want.


Although,


I had a small ceremony it was pretty intimate, why don't you compromise with your mother
Reply:Who's the one getting married? Do what the hell you want, its yours and you wife to be's big day. She probably thinks the same because your mother is so over bearing..





Don't take any notice do what you have planned and to hell with what she wants
Reply:Maybe you could elope and then have a small reception when you get back from your honeymoon!!!remember it is your day and your life !!
Reply:our son chose a justice of the peace -- we were there and her parent were there. it was wonderful -- very intimate and romantic!! do what makes you and your fiance happy, mom will get over it.
Reply:It's your wedding. Be kind to your mother, but firm. It's not about how SHE wants to remember the day.





And I totally agree. Why spend money on a show?
Reply:Elope.
Reply:It's your wedding, not hers, so do what you want, as long as you and your fiance agree. Your mom will come around later. (I got married without a ceremony and didn't tell my family and we got along great afterwards -- except it took my mom a little longer). Life goes on.
Reply:And why should your mother's opinion matter? If you do not tell this old woman, now, that you're not going to let her buy you, she will continue walking all over you for the rest of your life.
Reply:It is your wedding dang it! Simple it out by going to a justice of the peace or eloping in Las Vegas. Save yourself time, money and aggravation. Weddings are overrated and unnecessary nowadays being anywhere from $20, 000 to $80,000. Insane! There are many lovely chapels near where you live or up in the mountains. The price includes a dinner and a DVD of the ceremony. To make your mom happy, she can later throw you a reception in her home, a nice restaurant or even a park. Money can be used more wisely in your savings account or a future vacation. I am sorry for all of your heartache. I hope this helps a little. Good luck.
Reply:Boy, I'm really torn over this one. Part of me wants to say, yeah, it's your wedding, it's your life, she'll get over it...


On the other hand, I know how many mothers look forward to this day from the minute their daughters are born...


Couldn't you guys find some kind of compromise, like having a small family-only ceremony in the back yard, or something like that? I mean it's one day out of your lives.


I honestly don't know what to tell you except that you and your fiancee are a lot further away from the end of your lives than your mother is. And she may not get over it. Mine wouldn't have--I just lost her a couple of years ago, maybe that's why I'm struggling with this.


I've been no help whatsoever, have I? Sorry.
Reply:i won't like you to be selfish (sorry for this word)...but really your mom needs to see you happy in your wedding gown... i know that your happiness is in what you want and with your husband , but where is your mother's right to see you in this beautiful shape.... be kind to your mom, this is a kind of mercy on her.. plz this is a simple desire from your mother.. make the wish true lady for your mother's sake... good luck.
Reply:1) you are correct, this is between you and your fiance, but it is also between the two of you and God.





BUT...


1) Are you and your fiance morally compatable, be sure, as this is a major cause for divorce (this covers sexual, financial, and other aspects of being married). Most churches are willing to allow jumping the gun in these things.





2)Are you financially ready? Have the two of you already been working your financial goals out? this has also been a cause for divorce.





3) Do you understand the role of the marriage certificate? and the cerimony?





4)Do you know what moment you two are married? did you already engage in sex? if yes, can you and your fiance handle the idea that you are ALREADY MARRIED? The simple idea of being married changes the nature of the relationship, and has cause the very conditions which can lead to divorce (yes, again). If you can not look at him and actually accept this idea,after having had sex, then you may need more time to develop this idea.





The certificate of marriage is simply a legal document. this allows you to obtain the financial benifits such as insurances and such ( it is also a 1st amendment violation because marriage is a religious institution and there are not supposed to be any laws established on this).





The cerimony is nothing more that a public declaration. It is this, which brings the idea that you are married into the hearts of those who know and care about you. Without it, it becomes hard to accept.





As to your brother, he cant get married in a Christian faith fashion, or be accepted as being married in such a Christian faith organization, but if he is active in a religious institution that accepts his (wrongful and sinfull by christian standards (see Romans 1, verses 26 and 27)) chosen way of life, then by the 1st amendment of the US Constitution (as it is read, not as it is interpreted) he can form his relationship as such.





For more on what I am saying, see www. RestoredFamily.org
Reply:You are not ready to be married, yet. You aren't capable of making your own decisions, you're not mature enough to tell your mother no withouth hurting her, and you're not able to make compromises. Don't get married, yet, please.