3 weeks ago I was served the divorce papers by my wife.?

She said she will move out but her grand ma passed away and she got a cold … Her grand ma died overseas, so I sent a beautiful flower bouquet and I took care of her till she got well. Now it is 2 weekends that she can go and search for an apartment but as I see she is shopping ($1000 clothes, shoes …) she used to come home at 6:00 pm after work but now she is home after 9:00 pm


I tried to talk to her 2 times after getting the divorce papers but she did not listen, accused me and said unreal things. I asked her to come to the Family canceller and she said: I came to her 3 times but the feed back was not good and I do not believe in counseling (meaning: My way or highway!)


She had some boxes packed all around our small apartment for 3 weeks. Last night finally I put them all in front of her wardrobe. I told her I thought about the papers and I agree with divorce. We should get separated ASAP and go on with our lives.


I realized that she was not expecting this but she has a big ego and said: I will leave as soon as possible. And started accusing me of pushing her!


She always wants to keep me hanging on! Isn’t it my right to ask her about her plan? I bought my house in a week. Can’t she find an apartment to rent (she wants to rent)


I want to know what she thinks… Maybe you have been there my friend… What is all that shopping (I know there is no other man) Why is she procrastinating?


I talked to our counselor yesterday, she told me I gave up my rights in this marriage, she was walking all over me because I never had a back bone… counselor is right, I always accepted whatever she said ... I am a successful businessman, very handsome but with my wife what I did was interpreted as my weakness not love…


I have feelings for her, but for one time I want to stand up because in this relationship I will not be happy at all…I want to know about your experience… she has a big ego, very jealous and controlling…she has good things but knowing the bad side, do you think she will move out?

3 weeks ago I was served the divorce papers by my wife.?
It does sound like your wife is taking advantage of you. She says she wants a divorce, yet she's still living under your roof and spending your money (all the shopping). Sounds to me like your starting to see this yourself. Your wife thinks she can continue this due to your past behavior (no backbone as you put it). Well, the good thing here is that people can change. Stand up to your wife and cut her off. She served you with the divorce papers. She packed up some of her stuff. She said she'd leave. Give her a time limit (24 hours, 48 hours, - whatever you think is fair at this point) and, if she has any, take away her c/c. It's not your job to support her if she doesn't want to stay married to you.





I know this harsh, which is totally against my nature. At first there was a part of me that thought she might be torn about whether or not she really wants the divorce. But, her refusal to see a counselor with you says otherwise. It doesn't sound like she wants to work things out - it only sounds like she's seeing how long you'll let her continue walking all over you. You deserve better than this.
Reply:If you really want her out go get a lawyer, give her a FIRM deadline, and start the proceedings for filing an ex parte. Obviously she doesn't want to do things in a manner that is congenial and appropriate. Once you give her the deadline stick to it, and when she doesn't comply (and it sounds like she won't) file the ex parte...then she won't have a choice and she can't keep you hanging by being around...it's illegal for her to even come to get her stuff, call, or even begin a conversation should she run across you at the supermarket.


That'll light a fire under her butt!
Reply:I'm not married or anything but I'm going through something similar as far as relationships. My girlfriend (now X) keeps trying to blame me and telling me I need to change or she doesn't want me. I really love her and there are some things I think I need to change but it shouldn't be for someone else it should be for you. She is basically walking all over me too, she constantly blames me for her being "hurt" saying she can't forgive some of the arguements we've had etc. I finally gave up and told myself this is the way it has to be. As soon as I did and started to move on, she came back in my life and gave me all sorts of signs she wanted me back.





It sounds like you're situation is a little similar. It sounds like the girl you're with wants to be in control and as soon as you stop playing "the game" she tries to regain the "power". If she is anything like the girl I'm dealing with right now, I don't think she will move out as soon as you expect. I think she wants you to stay in the state of "I need you" type of feelings.





Stay strong man, everybody deserves to be happy. I know you're probably really stressed and confused, just try to relax and live in the moment. All suffering will pass. Good luck.
Reply:Tell her she has one week or you will pack her stuff for her and have it waiting outside the door. Change the locks....Get a back bone and follow through regardless how she she reacts to this announcement.
Reply:Help her pack set the things out on the porch and change the locks......
Reply:It appears as if your wife filed the divorce papers as a manipulation on scaring you into getting her own way. She does not sound to really want a divorce, just wants you to change your point of view into her point of view. This has not worked to her advantage and now she is forced into making a decision on leaving. This indicates she is indeed controling, but sadly it also indicates deep down she is a very insecure, scared person who uses a cool front to hide these emotional feelings. She has to come to see, in marriage conflict is best resolved with compromise. She only feels secure in winning as it makes her feel very misunderstood as insecure to lose. She is blind to the fact that you also need validation and understanding. Make one last attempt and ask her if she really does want a divorce. Tell her something like this, "Do you really want to end this marriage, is this what you really want or is this your way of saying you need something from me and do not know how to say it" I bet deep down she does not want one and has too much pride in admitting she does not. Best of luck to you!
Reply:She'll move out when you make her move out. Start legal proceedings and tell her she's got "x" amount of time to move out or you'll have her evicted.





Definitely get a backbone and start living your life for you. You haven't a right to complain about her behavior when it's your choice to tolerate it.
Reply:Sorry to hear your living such a marriage. Your wife has control issues which is a real concern. No one has the right to control anyone, let alone your spouse. This is not love that your living and you need to put a end to all of this grief. You deserve a true loving wife that provides you with love, respect, honesty, consideration of your feelings. The sooner she leaves, the better off you will be. Nobody should be walked on in life. My daughter was in a controlling relationship for eight years and finally got out. She has been receiving counselling for three years now and has realized that her "so called spouse" had taken away her identity and damaged her thinking so much she didn't know what was the proper way in life to be treated. She is on the mend now, and is so happy and free of mental abuse. Remember you only go around once in this world, so get out of it what you can. Contentment within yourself is the only way to go. In time you will lose these feelings for your wife, and realize she doesn't love you , if she had she would of made your life wonderful in fulfilling all your wants and needs. Good Luck! Cocoa
Reply:Tell her she needs to go. Tell her she has a week to find a place, and she needs to be out of your place. If she chooses to spend $1000 shopping that weekend, then what I would do is change the locks on the doors, that way she can't get back inside. Then, pack up her stuff and set it outside. If she doesn't have rights to your place, meaning, its yours and not a joint thing, then she has no business being there.





If she is controlling, then you need to take control back. If she is bossing you around, grow a pair and take your manhood back, because if you don't, she will start bringing guys over and you might find her having sex with a guy right in the livingroom. She might eat your food, or leave lights on all the time, calling long distance on your phone, basically racking up all these bills, knowing you won't say anything to her. The thing is, when you start telling her what to do, as in moving out, you need to stay firm on your choice. If you tell her to get out, and she gives you a sob story, you will buy it and then she won't leave, because the next time you tell her to get out, she knows she can win you over with a sad story. If you stay strong, then she will eventaully leave.
Reply:So she is spending your money and still living with you... can we say user?! She is spending the money because she has access to it. I would say start your divorce and cut her off. Move out, clean, take pictures and talk to the landlord. Explain that you are getting divorce, they should be able to do something about the lease. Best of luck to you!
Reply:She will when you kick her out.
Reply:Might be time to talk to a lawyer.
Reply:whew!


i hope you feel a bit better after all that!!





sounds like she is procrstinating and dragging her feet.


sounds like she's calling your bluff...she doesn't really think it's over. she just thinks you're going through a "phase".





call her bluff. if she doesn't start moving out in 2 weeks...or whatever, just give her and yourself a deadline...then pack up her stuff for her and put it in a storage unit. she can live there til she finds somewhere to live!





seriously, sounds like she walked all over you through your marriage and you just need to stand up to her.


look her right in the eye and say "look, i don't want to make this messy and difficult. i would like things to just be simple. please, find a new place to live within 2 weeks. our marriage is over, we are getting a divorce. i recommend you stop shopping and find an apartment."





then, walk away. and if she doesn't find an apartment, then pack ehr stuff up for her!





you just have to distance yourself from your feelings for her. if it's really over, then you have to find those feelings and shut them off....at least until she moves out.





good luck honey.
Reply:sounds like she's playing mind games with you! maybe seeking attention from you? if your a successful business man. have you been spending to much time in your business and neglecting your wife? she wants you to notice her (hence all the new clothes and shoes etc)and realize what you are losing. by you agreeing to a divorce you haven't played the game. but she has made to much of a stand now she cant go back on it. if you love your wife you need to play along even beg if need be! to me all she wants is to be loved,wanted and to feel that you are attracted to her. the strongest of people have there weaknesses too. i know I'm as stubborn as they come
Reply:Dude I have to agree with the counselor, it's time to cut bait. Learn from this experience and grow in the meantime. Hope there are no kids involved. I had adopted my 1st wife's son. Am on my 2nd marriage and doing well ( 3yrs and counting). Move on brother, this show is over.
Reply:Many women enjoy know that they can "control" their husbands. This is not only selfish but also unreal. We are all free to make our own decisions and when we have someone who's supposed to stand by your side and instead is judging you, blaming you and making you feel bad it turns into a harmful relationship. She made the decision to file for divorce, she now has to deal with the consequences. You deserve to be happy and if she is keeping you from being happy then let her know. Stand up for yourself. If you feel sad or lonely (which totally normal) allow yourself to feel sad and lonely, but make sure you keep yourself busy with activities that make you happy and keep good friends close. Best of luck!
Reply:she is in her mad mind. will return after lost it