Are you ready for some great jokes?

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST



She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



_____



MARRIAGE SEMINAR



While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and

his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that

husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."



He addressed the men ,"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"



Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's

Pillsbury, isn't it?"



_____



CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up %26amp; down the aisles. The

salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he

is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.



She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he

deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the

counter.



She says: confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons

for your wife?



He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to

the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin

of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much

cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own...so does she."



(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)







WIFE VS. HUSBAND



A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them

wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,

goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of

yours?"



"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



_____



WORDS



A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a

day - 30,000 to a man's 15,000.



The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat

everything to men."



The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid

and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you

would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to

you!" _____



THE SILENT TREATMENT



A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving

each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the

next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM" and left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."



Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough

draft before the masterpiece .

Are you ready for some great jokes?
OMG the cigarettes and the tampon thing was so finny. The rest was also good but not near as funny as the first 2.
Reply:The silent treatment one was hilarious!
Reply:Those were great. Thanks for the many laughs.
Reply:Thank you so much. Giggles. Tension just lightened by half in my neck and shoulders.
Reply:Funny... LOL
Reply:Very funny - thanks, I needed a good laugh
Reply:These are great fun! Loved the marriage seminar one - totally clueless. Thanks.
Reply:I laughed at the CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS that was funny
Reply:...At CBS headquarters in New York, there is a teakwood bust of Connie Chung in the lobby - it is known as "Chung in Teak".

**************************************...

...There was a Chinaman, named Chan. He had a shop where he did lovely carvings in teakwood.

...He opened up one day and noticed that his shop had been broken into, some of his teakwood carvings were missing. He also noticed a pair of small, human-like footprints on the floor.

...Chan decided to stay in his shop after closing, hoping that the thief would return, and if so, he would catch him in the act.

...Well, sure enough, the thief did return that night after Chan closed the shop, and broke in. The thief was a bear, and he grabbed a few more carvings, and headed for the door. Before he could escape, Chan jumped in front of him from behind the counter and exclaimed,

"Ah hah! So it's you, boy-foot bear with teaks of Chan!"
Reply:Those jokes were absolutely terrific!
Reply:ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."



Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."



Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."



Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."



Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."



Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Reply:your jokes were really great and funny thanks for the laugh