Evanescence lyrics?

how do these lyrics sound in a poetic sense?



I linger in the doorway

Of alarm clock screaming monsters

Calling my name

Let me stay,

Where the wind will whisper to me,

Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story.



[CHORUS:]

In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullabies,

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me.



Don't say I'm out of touch

With this rampant chaos, Your reality.

I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge,

The nightmare, I built my own world to escape.



In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullabies,

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me.



Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming

Cannot cease for the fear

Of silent nights.

Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming,

The goddess of imaginary light.



In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullabies,

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me.

Evanescence lyrics?
Your chorus has a very catchy quality to it, but "sky fly over me" doesn't work for me. Usually a chorus will rhyme even when the verses do not, and I think in this case, they should do the same. Let's take a look:



In my field of paper flowers

And candy clouds of lullabies,

I lie inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me.



It's that last line that needs work...how about:

"As over me my purple sky flies"?

or

"As over me a purple sky flies"?



The verses are a little uneven and might benefit from editing after you have someone else read them to you out loud so you can hear how they sound as written (it's tough to do in your head because you cheat...we all do).



Good images...love the chorus
Reply:i love that song!



most songs are "poetic" in some way or another.

It has rhyme, flow, imagery, it makes a good poem too!